I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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