trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
