Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Four minutes until I can fart!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
