What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
