I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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