So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
