Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
