Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
