Is it normal to miss your booty call?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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