morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
