He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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