watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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