This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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