no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
