That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
