yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
