we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
