Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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