yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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