I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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