If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
