I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I could make wine with my vomit
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
