Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I need to calm my uterus...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
