His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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