Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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