Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
