I wannas sexs uuuuu
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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