Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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