You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
