it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
time to smoke my breakfast
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize