He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
