i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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