he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
