How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
