Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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