sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
