the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I still have a little drunk in my system
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
