My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
