Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize