One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Acid is not a monday night drug
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
