We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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