just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
vagina is talking i cant
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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