That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Hippo gnu deer
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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