not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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