i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
