My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize