So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
