you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I will be naked everywhere
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
