sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
