Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I don't deserve a penis
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
