we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
