this beer tastes like vomit already
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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