I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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