haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
