You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
