At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize