they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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