i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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