I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
