i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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