so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
