Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
