franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize