It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
