I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
