It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
