just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Randomize