Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
