I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
