apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
