He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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