Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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