I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
