so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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