I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize