yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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