I'm so fucking centered right now
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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