Can Purell be used as lube?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
