Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
