the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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