i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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