he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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