If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
All I want is dick and wine.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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