Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
