I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
