Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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