1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
