I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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