Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
