I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
