You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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