Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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