Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
