It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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