i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
