last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she looked like the before picture.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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