It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
zippers are such a cool invention
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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