I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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