Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
