fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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