Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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