He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
