i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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