Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
