I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
