this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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