Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
