My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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