Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize