My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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