I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
