There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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