You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
